M. Scott Peck said in his book, The Road Less Traveled, that “Life is difficult.” If you have an addict in your family, you know what that means. After years of hard work and raising your children: BANG! At some painful point, you
came to realize your kid is a drug addict! Here’s the kick: By the time you discover your youngster is using, he or she has actually been using for an average of 2 years. So, you took action, but it was too late for prevention. Knowing the difficulty and high cost, parents often took the easy road; accepting a half hearted contrition and going on. Before you know it; some of you are living with a hard core addict. Now you intimately know, difficult is an understatement.
Addiction causes an addict to react within the context of chemical chaos in their brains. It is a disease. Addiction changes brain chemistry. It is a medical condition that receives trivial attention from health care providers; leaving addicts and their families in ruin. We now know now that treatment and recovery is a process and not an event, yet it is treated by the treatment industry like a one time event, where families are led to invest everything they have in a short attempt to end the madness; yet what is the outcome? 5% success, 10%?, 20%?…
It is time that addiction receives mainstream designation as a legitimate medical condition that goes even further than limited parity laws require. It’s time that the burden be lifted off the shoulders of 20 million American families to play doctor to something most are powerless to. Obama’s ONDCP knows this, so why is it not public policy. This is what we need to demand of our lawmakers.
DadOnFire 
15 comments
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June 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm
susan lea
“leaving addicts and their families in ruins” is not an exaggeration. I’ve found myself, numerous times, wondering when it will end; hoping for it to end. The financial ruin, the emotional toll, the anger at feeling helpless. Someday there will be a different attitude towards addiction in our society. But I constantly wonder when this will happen. I write letters to my congressmen. I pray. And I hope that something will change for the sake of our family and for the sake of other families I know.
June 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Barbara
Bill, well said, I couldn’t agree with you more. I hope some changes happen soon….Like Susan said, the toll it takes is awful. I feel like my life will never be the same even if my son does get and stay clean.
June 29, 2011 at 4:36 am
Tom M
Bill, thanks for putting this out there. As the parent of an addicted child, and highly frustrated by our lack of attention to this understanding. I must admit seeing more and more conversation by various states to make changes I’m hopeful the tide is slowing changing. Let’s keep pushing for everyone’s sake.
July 1, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Dad 4 Truth
The system will change when the great majority of parents quit enabling. this “simple act” will force the system to take a second look and make changes because it can not afford to operate without the parents enabling.
July 1, 2011 at 5:42 pm
susan lea
The local county jail is full of addicts who were deserted by their parents. I’m not sure that a reduction in enabling by parents is going to solve this enormous problem. Our state is spending millions incarcerating young people who should be in treatment. And many of these addicts have mental health issues along with the drug problems. The jails are way too overwhelmed to even begin to deal with this issue. “Enabling” can be a good thing when it means helping a person to get his feet back on the ground and be a productive member of the community.
July 1, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Dadonfire
Dear Mr. Dad for truth. I fully support your point about enabling. I push for boundaries continuously. Our laws and customs go counter to those efforts though. They need to keep looking more than just twice. Nothing is going to happen unless we force lawmakers to do what needs to be done. We can start by demanding that addiction is treatable…as a national policy. The “system” is pushed hard already and the reaction is often to lock em up. I like what the Southern Californians are doing. i.e., Gretchen Bergman, Co-Founder / Executive Director A New PATH. http://pathla.blogspot.com/
We have billions of assets tied up in locking up addicts, drunks and the mentally ill. No excuses for reckless intoxification, but I think what Susan Lea says is pretty astute. Bill Ford
July 9, 2011 at 11:57 am
Barbara
There is no easy, simple, one-size-fits all solution to this systemic disease – that of addiction. If only that were possible. My son struggled against the disease before losing his life eight years ago. I lost a brother to a tweaking girlfriend who grabbed my dad’s 12 gauge shotgun thinking she was being stalked. He was coming home in the middle of the day to calm her down. Last December, my 25 year old niece took her own life after intense detoxing.
A few years back I found a ray of hope – a report titled “after the war on drugs”. There are many today – most come from global committees. The greater world is looking for better answers than “only” focusing on slowing demand. Rather there is energy coming behind efforts to reduce the demand – and this is not a simple matter. The US demand for drugs – prescription and illegal – continues to rise.
For me, the stigma of addiction is one of the biggest hindrances to making forward progress. Joining others I’m almost ready to launch an informational site http://www.shatterthestigma.com. I’ve been an avid fan of DadOnFire for many years and have linked to it from the new site.
Thanks for your awesome efforts to keep us informed! Barbara, Jim’s mom, Bill’s Sister, Amanda’s aunt.
July 9, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Barbara
Ouch, can’t tell I’m tired…. meant to say reducing supply gets the focus and money while reducing demand is where a lot of energy is shifting to instead.
It’s Saturday, why am I not outside! Hugs, Barbara
July 7, 2011 at 11:03 pm
peglud
Bill – I’d appreciate you reading my most recent post about the neuro-science and brain chemistry of addiction – and David Linden’s new book, “The Compass of Pleasure”: http://peglud.wordpress.com/2011/07/07/the-compass-of-pleasure/#comment-1299 The most logical approach to drug addiction is centered on compassion and the disease model of addiction. How can we become effective advocates for moving our country’s paradigm from “punishing” drug addicts to “treating” their addictions and supporting their long term recovery? Please respond in my blog’s comment box. Thanks for your important work in raising awareness and educating readers about all aspects of substance abuse and drug addiction. Peggy
July 14, 2011 at 8:38 am
Dad 4 Truth
Susan,
There is a big difference between “enabling” and “helping” the addicted child. It is vital to know the difference.
Also, long before the addicted child is “deserted” by his/her parents a huge amount of enabling transpired. This “enabling” translates into bail money, attorney fees, plea deals & misc. expenditures. Add all that up, then elimante it through not enabling, and your create the financial burden on the system to force change.
July 14, 2011 at 11:09 pm
Bill Ford
I’m glad you said that. That is a truth we sometimes overlook. I think what your saying is an important point.
July 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm
susan lea
The word “enabling” carries a lot of emotion for family members. It creates arguments and frustration when people aren’t sure what to do. When is it OK to bail a child out? When is it OK to pay for drug treatment? When is it OK to let a child stay with you? There are no black and white answers to these things. I used to worry about being accused of enabling and it kept me from being there for my child when I was needed. I now try to just listen to my own heart and not worry what others might say.
Most of the addicts in the jail in my area, and in many urban areas around the country, find themselves deserted by family long before they were incarcerated. Their parents don’t have money or insurance or resources to help them. And some parents just don’t care. Of course there are “rich” parents who throw lots of money at the problem thinking it will help and then it doesn’t.
I try to remember what a local judge told me when discussing the young addicts who appear in his courtroom. He said that the people who have strong family support have better outcomes in recovery than the people who have been deserted. And he considers this factor when sentencing. He finds that many types of support, that are often labeled by others as “enabling”, can be a good thing.
July 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm
susan lea
I recently had a phone conversation with my daughter’s probation officer. It was obvious that he thought I should be doing more to solve my daughter’s addiction. He expects me to provide for her and also “police” her activities. But she’s 22 years old! I wish this crazy system would decide whether a parent is supposed to help or disconnect. I wish they would decide if addiction is a disease or a crime. I wish the court systems would decide whether to blame the family or support the family. I get pats on the back from some people and criticized by others for the same exact behavior. Most families have no idea what to do when an adult child is using drugs. Is it any wonder when the courts and social workers can’t decide what family members are supposed to do?
July 20, 2011 at 8:27 am
Dad 4 Truth
When dealing with an addicted child life is much “easier” on the parent(s) if they believe there is no right or wrong way as opposed to educating yourself and taking “appropreiate” action. The fact is this, in every senerio you mentioned there is a way that has proven the most successful to the greatest number of
parent(s). That is the path you follow first and if you do your part and follow through “continually” with mindfulness & deligence you will be set free. Free to live your life without regret, resentment or judgement from those on the outside. But this takes hard work and the great majority of parent(s) will not choose to “work hard.” They are more apt to give up and that’s the problem. Only a very small percentage of families do what is necessary. Ask any alcohol/drug counselor, treatment program director, minister, Al-Anon sponsor etc and you will find the answer.
July 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm
susan lea
Thank you Dad 4 Truth. All good information. And you’re right; it is hard work. I can honestly say I haven’t always been up to the task. But each day is a new chance to try again.