A poignant piece by a mom, struggling to grip the grief and hind sight of missing an elusive opportunity to save a child from  a devil she could’t control. 

Expectations, A Poem by Mom vs Addiction

You have to let go of the child you once knew in the future,
The one who would without question attend college, have lots of friends, smile easily, do effortless back-flips, surrounded by the promise fog of youth.

The one whose very personality used to validate you and make others think you were so much smarter and together than you ever were.

Now that same child calls everything into question, and provides the kindling for others to re-draw you;  you worked too much, weren’t home enough, didn’t take her to the right doctor soon enough, weren’t strict enough, didn’t see the signs, live in the city, believe in the wrong God, didn’t accept help that  no one is really offering.

No one wants to know what you know—that we are all vulnerable, living in a house of cards.  Now you know that there are places so painful, so agonizing that you can’t blame anyone for excusing themselves politely from your experience.

You would run so fast, too, if only the road didn’t lead you away from your very heart.

Life goes on and you are left alone with the certainty that as you meticulously rebuild, careful to place the cards just right, in balance with your new reality, you dare not hope for too much, they will fall again.